


Shallow

by MercurySkies



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Breaking Up & Making Up, Getting Back Together, M/M, Ocean, Prompt Fic, Prompt Fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2019-08-20
Packaged: 2020-09-19 08:35:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20328211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MercurySkies/pseuds/MercurySkies
Summary: 'He has visions of walking out into the waves, letting the current pull him under and wash him clean, a baptism, to emerge from the sea foam the born again believer everyone seems to want. He doesn’t hear the approaching footsteps over the crash of the waves and the sluggish pound of his heart.'





	Shallow

**Author's Note:**

> An _old friend_ asked for Shane seeing the ocean in L.A. for the first time with Ryan, under the full moon when the tides are low and gentle. It's not quite that but we're good at 'not quite's.

Shane leaves his shoes on a brown patch of grass further up the beach. It’s a balmy evening, the cool night breeze a sweet relief from the sticky heat of the beach house. He’s lived in L.A. for years but this is his first beach wedding and it’s weird to be by the sand and surf all dressed up. He’s only needed to attend one to know he’s not really a beach wedding guy. Still, there’s a free bar and promise of quiet as he wanders down to the shore alone. He’s not the biggest fan of weddings in general. He’ll always jump at the chance to see his friends and family happy, but he always finds that their joy throws his own lack of it into stark relief. What is he doing with his life? Who will he spend it with? If anyone. He sucks in a deep breath, the salty sea air cleansing his senses and it feels like the first true breath he’s taken in months. His head feels light, beer and fresh air a damning combination but he prefers it to the heaviness that’s lingered with him these past few weeks.

He’s being terribly dramatic, standing at the ocean’s edge under the full moon, the water soaking the bottom of his dress pants. He’s allowed to be dramatic when he’s on his own, when he can ache and wallow in the safety of his own company. The crash of the waves soothes him and he closes his eyes to focus on it and nothing else. He has visions of walking out into the waves, letting the current pull him under and wash him clean, a baptism, to emerge from the sea foam the born again believer everyone seems to want. He doesn’t hear the approaching footsteps over the crash of the waves and the sluggish pound of his heart.

“Do I need to call someone dude?” A voice calls, gentle, just barely audible above the sounds of the sea. Shane startles, eyes snapping open as he turns toward the voice. Ryan stands, bare toes digging into the sand, his face etched with concern.

_ Who would you call? _ he wants to ask.

_ I would’ve called you. _he thinks.

“It’s peaceful here.” He says instead, looking out at the dark horizon. He can’t look at Ryan, his dark hair curled by the sea air, highlighted by the silver touch of the moon. He glows and Shane can’t bare to look at him, even as he shuffles to stand by his side, the tide lapping at his ankles.

“Yeah.” Ryan breathes out, wistful. The silence stretches long and heavy like every missed call, every unanswered message, every hour Shane waited on the other side of the screen just to never see him. Shane swallows.

“Marielle looked - looks - beautiful.” Shane says, voice thick.

“Yeah,” Ryan replies with a smile in his voice, “she’s happy.”

_ Are you? _ Shane wants to ask but Ryan beats him to it.

“Are you? Happy, I mean.”

“No.”

“No?”

“No. No, it's been six months and you don’t get to ask me that, you don’t get to _ know _.” Shane bites back, scowling at the distant choppy waters. There’s a storm coming.

“Shane...” Ryan pleads.

“_Ryan_. It’s been _ six months_.” He spits. “Six months since the new opportunities started piling up and don’t get me wrong, I'm happy for you Ryan but-” His mouth clicks shut abruptly and he slams his stinging eyes shut.

_ I wanted to be happy with you. I was happy with you_.

His mind screams.

_ But you weren’t. _

Silence descends and Shane suddenly feels so very cold. He clenches his hands into fists just to stop them from shaking.

“You ever thought about getting married?” Ryan asks, feigning nonchalance but his voice betrays him, wobbling and wet. Shane refuses to look at him. He laughs bitterly, the fading fantasy of that white picket fence life jumping to the forefront of his mind. How many times has he dreamt of Ryan’s smiling face looking down at a golden ring on his finger.

“Yeah I’ve thought about it,” he says honestly, “wanted it. Now? I’m not so sure.” Ryan is silent, nothing but quiet shuffling emanating from his place at Shane’s side. Shane won’t look, just continues to stare out at the endless horizon, his stinging eyes filling with tears he doesn’t want to shed. He clenches his jaw so hard it aches.

“Shane look at me.” Ryan asks softly. A strangled sob escapes him and he shuts his eyes tight again, shaking his head. “God damn it look at me!” Ryan grabs Shane’s hand and he rips it from his grasp, eyes flying open and glaring at where...

He’s crouched in the sand, down on one knee.

“No. No, no, no don’t do this to me...” He begs.

“It’s not- This isn’t-” Ryan starts, beautiful brown eyes anguished as he continues to offer up a simple gold band, held delicately between his thumb and forefinger.

“This isn’t a movie Ryan. It doesn’t- It doesn’t work like that in the real world.”

“I bought this ring in February 2019.” He says desperately and Shane chokes.

“2019?” Shane asks in disbelief.

“Yeah.” Ryan laughs nervously. “I’ve thought about getting married,” he admits, “and I decided I want to marry you three years ago.” Shane can’t stop staring, mesmerized by the way the gold winks at him in the moonlight.

“I’m not asking you to marry me. I’m trying to show you that I didn’t forget about us, about _ you _.”

“I don’t know what you’re _talking _ about Ry.” Shane says, letting the familiar nickname slip. “What are you saying? What do you _ want_?”

“I want to make you a promise. I’m not gonna apologise for every chance I took but I am sorry I took them without you, I’m so _ so _ sorry. I’ve chased every avenue and I don’t wanna go any further, I don’t want to walk these new roads, not without you by my side.”

“I don’t wanna be left behind again Ry guy.” Shane says wetly, tears clogging his throat. Ryan stands, cups Shane’s face and wipes the tears away with the gentle brush of his thumbs across his cheekbones. “I can’t hang around and watch you stand at the altar in another few years.” Ryan shakes his head vehemently.

“Let me make it right. Give me another chance baby please and it’ll be the both of us at that altar and I’ll be the luckiest guy in the world just please.” Ryan begs, his face crumpled and earnest, his own cheeks damp. Shane rests their foreheads together and closes his eyes. He feels rather than sees Ryan take his left hand, feels the ghost of hot breath against his wrist, against his palm as tender kisses are pressed against his skin. Cold metal slides across his finger tip, slips over his knuckle and he nods, letting out a choked laugh.

“Okay.” He says, opening his eyes to Ryan’s hesitant smile. He looks down at Ryan’s hand in his, the ring that feels heavy and new on his wedding finger glints in the moonlight. “If you fuck this up,” he says, “I reserve the right to kick your ass.”

Ryan laughs and the sound crashes over him, wave after wave of joy and _ God _ he’s missed that laugh, missed _ Ryan_.

“Deal.” Ryan grins and cups Shane’s face again with care. He kisses him like it’s the first time, full of hesitancy and joy and hope, something new and familiar. Ryan has a lot of forgiveness to earn but Shane knows where he can start.

“Dinner. Next Friday. You’re paying.” He calls over his shoulder as he makes his way back up the beach to where he left his shoes.

“You got it big guy.” Ryan laughs and Shane turns to look at him, smiling like the sun but drenched in silver moonlight.

“C’mon best man.” He says, holding out his left hand and jerking his head in the direction of the beach house. Ryan tangles their fingers together. “You’ve got a speech to make.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much fro reading. Drop me a line on [tumblr](https://mercury-skies.tumblr.com/) if you're so inclined!


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